Saturday, August 13, 2011

I just don't think I am ready.

While on an ice cream run to the grocery store the other night, my son turned to me and said, "Mom, I just don't think I am ready to go back to Africa." I asked him why and he went on to tell me, as best he could, that he wants to go to Africa, but he also wants to stay. "...I just know I will miss everyone so much, so I don't think I am ready."

I took this moment for what it was, a chance for my little man to express his mixed emotions, and an opportunity to teach him a life less: We are never fully ready.

I, too, just don't think I am ready. My apprehension goes a bit deeper than anticipation of missing friends, family, and the comfort of familiarity. Am I prepared to do what God has called me? Am I "spiritual" enough? Holy enough? Do I have enough faith and love? Is my Bible knowledge and prayer life up to par? Am I ready to face all the obstacles? Do I have what it takes to give my children the extra care and attention required? When I take inventory of all these things, through my own perspective, the answer is always NO, NO, NO!

However, as I was able to share with my son, it's not about us or our abilities. We will never be ready on our own. That's why we need Jesus. That's why there is grace. If we were ever ready all by ourselves, there would be no need to trust in and rely on the power of Jesus. It's normal not to feel ready. It's in those moments that we cast our cares upon Him, and allow Him to be strong where we are weak. If God tells you to do something, He will make you ready and able.

We are about six weeks out from our target return to Ghana date. There are so many things that just aren't ready in the natural. There is an internal battle going on between totally freaking out and fully trusting that God has everything under control. Truth is, He does have everything under control. He is the Alpha and Omega. He knows how it's all going to work out. He IS ready, and for that I am so very thankful.

1 comment:

elizabeth said...

Wow, how did you handle that without crying? I'm teary reading it. My little buddy can get to me every time.